The role of the Almoner

Freemasonry encompasses three basic principles; friendship, integrity, and charity. The Almoner is responsible for the care and welfare of its members, their wives, widows and dependants.

However, the Provincial Almoner alone cannot watch over 3,000 masons, plus widows by himself, and the central Masonic Charity Foundation cannot be the eyes and ears across all 49 Provinces, so the Lodge Almoner is essential to the provision of required support to those within and connected to the Lodge.

In a way therefore the Lodge Almoner is a central and key figure. He is not expected to be an expert in solving every problem, but he is expected to be able to signpost applicants to help and be a contact point for those in need.

The Almoner is a key part of this chain, who can keep a watchful eye on the members & widows in his Lodge.

Individual Lodges, Provinces and masonic charities all facilitate the provision of care to those in need, but the eyes and ears on the ground must be provided by the Lodge Almoner to identify the cases in the first place.

Knowing how much we value friendship, it is perhaps, singularly peculiar that we’re so un-focused on one of friendship’s greatest and most central pleasures; That of being listened to.

Few of us know how to do it well, not because we are bad people, but simply because no one has taught us how, (and a related point; it’s possible that no one has ever specifically made the effort to listen to any one of us), so we come to social life greedy to speak rather than to listen, hungry to meet others but reluctant to actually hear them.

A potential friendship then immediately begins to degenerate into a socialized egoism. Like most things, it’s about education: Our civilization is full of great books on how to speak; Cicero’s ‘Orator’ or Aristotle’s ‘Rhetoric’ were two of the greatest publications of the ancient world, but sadly, no one ever wrote the book called ‘The Listener’.

Having looked further into this, I find that there is indeed a range of things that a good listener is doing that makes it so nice to spend time in their company. The four main factors are; encouragement of free though, conceptual reinforcement, moralistic independence and positive criticism:

A good listener eggs us on. It’s hard sometime to know our own minds. Often we’re in the vicinity of something, but we don’t quite close in on what it is that is really bothering, or exciting us.

We benefit hugely from encouragement to elaborate, to expand into greater detail, to push a little further. We need someone who, rather than launch forth, will simply say those two magic words; “go on”. They mentioned the sibling and want to know a bit more; what was the relationship like in childhood, how has it changed over time?

They query where our concerns and excitements come from, they ask things like; “why did that particularly bother you?” or, “why was that such a big thing for you?”. They keep our histories in mind so that they might refer back to something we have said before making you feel that they’re building up a deeper base of engagement.

Always urge clarification. It’s easy to say vague things. We might simply mention that something is ‘lovely’ or ‘terrible’, ‘nice’ or ‘annoying’, but we don’t really explore why we feel this way.

The friend who listens often has a productive friendly suspicion some of our own first statements and is after the deeper attitudes that are lurking in the background. They take the things we say like “I’m fed up with my job” or “my partner and I are having a lot of rows” and help us to focus on what it’s really all about, the job we don’t like, or what the rows are really about.

They’re bringing to listening an ambition to clarify the underlying issues. They don’t just see conversation as a swapping of anecdotes, they are reconnecting the chat you’re having over the Festive Board with the philosophical ambitions of Socrates, whose dialogues are records of his attempts to follow his fellow Athenians and understand their own ideas and values.

The good and listener is accurately aware of how insane we all are. They know their own minds well enough not to be surprised or frightened about this. They are skilled at making occasional little positive sounds which strategically offer sympathy without intruding on what we’re trying to say. They give the reassurance that they recognise and accept our feelings and they are indicating to us that they’re not intending to shred our dignity.

A big worry in a competitive world is that we feel we can’t af reminderford to be honest and open about how distressed we are. Social Media is a constant reminder to us of how members feel that their audience has to believe that life is fabulous for them. Saying that one ‘feels like a failure’ could mean being dropped. The good listener signals early and clearly that they don’t see us in those terms. Our vulnerability is something they warm to rather than appalled by.

Always separate disagreement from criticism. There’s a huge tendency to feel that being disagreed with is an expression of hostility. Obviously in other scenarios, sometimes this is correct but a good listener makes it clear that they really like and/or respect you but at the same time as thinking you might be wrong, they thereby make it plain that their liking for you isn’t dependent on constant agreement.

They are powerfully aware that such a person as you, could end up a bit muddled and in need of some gentle untangling.

When we’re in the company of people who listen well, we experience a simple but very powerful pleasure, but too often we don’t ever realise what it is about what this person is doing that is so nice.

By paying strategic attention to the pleasure of listening we can learn to magnify it and offer it to others who will, in turn, notice, heal and repay the favour. Listening deserves recognition as one of the keys to a good society.

In Proverbs 2:1 King Solomon urges us to focus on listening with respect and interest which is an important skill when he says: “My son, if thou wilst receive my words and hide my commandments within thee. . .”

Assisting with Poor Mental Health

Being an Almoner is not just all about looking after the Members’ Physical health and wellbeing, it is just a important to give full consideration and support to their Wellness health and Mindfulness. Mindfulness is part of wellness and there are several simple ‘Mindful’ exercises that we can all undertake to improve the mental wellbeing of ourselves and others. Don’t we owe it to those around us to help with their mental wellbeing as well as their physical strength?

Our Masonic education invites us to reflect upon the inevitability of our own demise. To ensure that we have completed the tasks that we have ourselves set and to embrace the end when it nears without fear or trepidation. Some Brethren have reflected on this and offer their own thoughts on this most delicate of subjects:

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