Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder
Someone without ADHD is usually able to order their thoughts and internally prioritise them and a list of ‘jobs’ like:
- I need to pay my parking fine,
- I need to buy some supplies
- I need to clean my flat
- I need to visit my mum
- I need to shut that window
- I need to walk the dog
- I need to change my council tax payments
Becomes:
- I need to shut that window
- I need to walk the dog
- I need to buy some supplies
- I need to visit my mum
- I need to pay my parking fine
- I need to change my council tax payments
- I need to clean my flat
Someone with ADHD has a reduced ability to prioritise their thoughts about desired actions, so that’s why things often don’t get done until one of them clearly overrides the others. ie if you don’t shut the window then rain will get in, but closing the window may only be triggered by the sofa getting wet. The dog will let you know that it needs to go out and if you don’t prioritise that you will end up with a cleaning job!
People with ADHD often find small talk boring and will avoid chatter but conversely may seem overly ‘open’ in conversation frequently offering many details about themselves early on in a meeting. Similarly, they can seem quite intense wanting to know everything about someone they meet and if a friendship begins, wanting to hang around with them frequently.
If you think or realise that someone has ADHD, you should understand that it is a medical condition and they need help with that condition. Never be tempted to say things like “Don’t be lazy”, “You should try harder” or “Everyone has trouble paying attention sometimes”.
They can be hypersensitive to criticism and can have strong reactions when frustrated. If you notice them getting upset, suggest you both take a break (eg for 20 minutes or so), but always with the intention of continuing the conversation.
Be brief and don’t hold the conversation for too long or give long speeches. They are probably more suited to taking on smaller ‘sound bites’.
Avoid harping back to old arguments or they may ‘shut down’. Make sure there are no distractions or other pre-existing priorities going on in their mind, so they are able to focus on the point being discussed.
People with ADHD slip quickly into fight or flight mode, so if they say (or you) say something hurtful, then let the situation calm and ask for clarification. Create a structured and predictable environment that minimises misunderstandings. And practice ‘active listening’, where each person takes turns speaking and listening without interruption.
